My first teleseminar!

I just had to congratulate myself on my first teleseminar — yay!

There was a bit of weirdness because only one person was on the call (the rest did not attend since the call was being recorded), but the attendee was a wonderful women who gave me positive, uplifting feedback. I celebrated by taking myself out to lunch, ordering not only a sandwich, but also Chips and a Cookie — and reading a non-work, non-intellectual novel for 45 minutes. How luxurious.
I now sit at the computer, take a deep breath and pause before I start plunging ahead on next week’s teleseminar materials, financial analysis for private clients, paying payroll taxes, and a Get Acquainted appointment with a prospective client this afternoon.

No, it never stops. But, I am making progress.

The migraine monster strikes again.

Yesterday I came down with another migraine. I don’t have time to be unable to work at 100%! Yesterday I needed to finalize the copy for the first week of my 8 Weeks to Financial Freedom program, get whatever hardware I need to record the first teleseminar meeting, as well as take care of Gracie and finish her laundry, do some shopping, etc. Perhaps that is the point. My sister and assistant, Victoria, came down with stomach troubles yesterday. She’s also involved in working on my 8 Weeks program, and had to finish projects for her clients, as well as tend bar last night (and it was her birthday on Sunday, so she had all the leftover junk left over from that). When I remarked that we did not have time for us to be sick, she said that we get sick because "we stress ourselves way too much." That is the problem. My body is trying to slow me down, but I really can’t do that today. Today I have two Get Acquainted appointments with new clients, the first meeting of my teleseminar class, and work to do because I am going out of town this week. Then tomorrow I’m shopping and packing for our camping trip (Thursday through Sunday in the Santa Cruz Mountains at Big Basin State Park) — and by the way, Mark may not be coming along due to work deadlines, so it may be just me and a toddler in the woods for four days and three nights — besides work deadlines early next week. Put all on top of this that I’m in between nannies (regular nanny starts again Nov. 6th) — so I am trying to do my full workload with less than 1/2 of my normal childcare hours — and no wonder my body is rebelling. I have been trying to take minimal care of myself — getting 7 hours of sleep and eating every 3 hours — but I could be doing better. The most difficult part is that I’m pretty happy in my life right now. I feel passionate about my business, I’m having great fun with Gracie, and life is pretty good. I wish I had more time alone with Mark (which will be helped when my regular nanny starts doing monthly Saturday night date nights for us again), I was exercising regulary, and a few unfinished things were done (home improvement projects) — but overall, life is good. I don’t want to slow down. But obviously my body does not agree with me. The question is — do I try to give in to my body, or help it to rise to the challenge?

Guilty of neglecting my fifth child …

… my blog. Life has been running away from me. My food poisoning put me five days behind. But since my life is barely able to function in the time available, it is two weeks later and I’m still catching up. Of course, the day I got sick was the same day I launched the promo for my 8 Weeks program — great to get that off the ground, but that set in place a cascade of promotion, tasks, and projects that needed to be in place before this Tuesday, September 26th — the first week of Session A of the program. I’m still not finished with all of those tasks, and the perfectionist in me is very frustrated that I’m not completely ready for the first session — much less that I have not finished the promised Special Report to the early signups. As such, long-term goals like updating my blog regularly becomes low priority in a world of immediate deadlines. And to get all of this done, I am neglecting Gracie. Well, not really, Gracie’s fine — but I am not paying the level of attention that I think I should. She’s been watching enough Dora to not be paying much attention anymore, except for the random "map!" and "backpack!". One great side effect is that Gracie is playing more independently with her toys (and random objects grabbed from various drawers, shelves, and boxes in the house), making up little games and having discussions with her webble-wobbles about whether they are "okay." She picks up her weeble wooble and holds it to her face. Gracie: "Okay? Okay." Then she gives the weeble a hug and a kiss. Gracie: "Huh. Kie." The weeble allegedly returns the kiss. Gracie: "Aahh." Does it count that I am in the room when she is doing all these things? The "quantity" versus "quality" debate. But I really do both — I still hang out with her in her room, dancing (spinning while clapping or saying "wee!" with arms in the air) to her World Music CD, read her books, go the park — but I am not hanging out with her every second of the day. But I wouldn’t be doing that either if I was a stay at home mom — I would still have to run errands, do chores, and take care of family business. What is the standard? Where does this "should" come from? Some "perfect" mother who spends every moment of her day challenging her child with developmentally approrpriate toys and books (and who does not even own a TV)? Is that even possible? Do we even really want that? Shouldn’t our kids learn to play independently? Shouldn’t our kids learn that parents have lives too (and that even if our kids are our first priority, they are not our ONLY priority)? Then I wonder — is this really a good argument, or am I just making an excuse? Perhaps, though, the fact that I worry about this issue keeps it from being a problem — if I didn’t worry about it, that would be a red flag. When you give birth, instead of handouts on breastfeeding and diapering, they should give handouts on guilt. Much more applicable.

Food poisoning really sucks. Don’t get it.

Last Thursday was a big day for me. The morning started out with leaving Gracie with the nanny so I could get a cavity filled at the dentist — ick. Then I popped in for a snack of pasta salad (see about this later), had a client appointment, then launched my new teleseminar program, 8 Weeks to Achieve Financial Freedom to the public. Very scary to start promotion for my first teleseminar (what if no one signs up, what if everyone hates it, what if I spelled something wrong in the flyer?). Then, I dashed off to the first meeting of the JLSJ (Junior League of San Jose) committee that I am Chair-Elect-ing this year. All with an upset stomach and a headache.

I come home to realize that I had my first teleseminar client sign up (great! but now I actually have to do it!). But, I did not feel good; terrible, actually. Stress, I thought. I’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep.

Instead of waking up to my usual 5:30 AM cry of “mommy!”, I woke up at 4:00 AM with a cramping stomach. Stress, I thought again. Thursday was such a busy day, I have a mile-long to-do list, and I’m dropping off Gracie at back-up daycare today. Just stress. Then I doubled-over in the shower from horrid stomach cramps. I felt like I was about 5 cm dialated, getting ready to deliver my intestines on the bathroom floor.

Wasn’t until later that day when I realized that it could not be just stress. Not until the next day did I realize that some bad pasta salad was to blame for my misery. Thank god I did not feed it to Gracie — we would have had to check her into the hospital.

I was sick until Monday (and I’m still not quite right) — which means that I am five days behind in work. The one side benefit is I took those days off from thinking about work, which has helped me to clear my mind and de-stress about all of my business projects.

Next time I need a few days off work, though, I’m just going to take a vacation.

A butterfly flaps its wings in China — and my childcare falls apart.

Chaos. Having a child introduced a level of chaos into my life. No, I’m not talking about late night feedings or mountains of toys, I’m talking about childcare for Gracie.

All I am asking for is a reliable childcare situation that is stimulating and nurturing for my daughter, and easy and flexible for me. Is that too much to ask? Probably yes … even considering I am willing to pay $20/hour for a part-time nanny.

My regular nanny is on maternity leave (and yes, she says she is coming back in November), so this summer I am getting by with a women on summer vacation from her PhD program, combined with back up childcare through my husband’s work. Neither is predictable.

My summer nanny does a great job taking care of Gracie, and Gracie enjoys spending time with her — but she has gone on vacation, worked different days each week because of previous engagements, and has had conflicts on previously scheduled work days, including this Friday. She forgot that she has a conference she has already paid for, that she needs to attend for school. I already cancelled a luncheon I was planning to attend, but I am still trying to get backup childcare (through Mark’s work) so I can go to an appointment with my life planner — otherwise, I will have the appointment by telephone, with Gracie watching Dora the Explorer in the background. Not ideal.

Mark’s backup childcare is also a roll-of-the-dice. Every time I have signed Gracie up, we have been waitlisted. (is it a conspiracy? does anyone actually get a confirmed reservation?) Then, the night before, they call to say that a space has opened up, and ask if we still want it — every time we have been waitlisted, we have got this call. But, Gracie does enjoy herself there — she gets to play with other toddlers her age, and hang out with other adults, play with different toys, etc. The last time I dropped her off, instead of crying, she sat down to color, looked up at me, and said “bye bye.” Ah, I am already not needed, my daughter is already an Independent Woman.

This childcare issue is a big problem for me with my business, because I schedule client appointments up to 60 days in advance, and now I am launching teleseminar programs, that are scheduled out 90+ days ahead. So, when childcare falls through, what do I do about these appointments and seminars?

Even more difficult since we don’t have family here (Mark’s are in LA, and mine are in St. Louis, MO), so there is no ultimate-backup-babysitting of retired grandparents or stay-at-home aunts or uncles.

But as much as I complain, I have had great luck with finding quality childcare for Gracie. She loves Sarah (her main nanny), Jessica (her summer nanny), and the women at backup daycare. We have never had any nightmare problems that you hear about on the news, and I am thankful.

I wish I could have control and predictability over my schedule. But if I had wanted that, I should not have had a kid.

How did I become a person who drives an SUV?

Yesterday we took delivery of my new car — an SUV — a Lexus RX 350, to be exact. How did this happen? How did I become one of Those Women Who Drive A Big SUV? I’m not a soccer mom, I don’t drive a carpool, I’m not trying to keep up with Mrs. Jones or make up for mothering inadequacies through driving of an imposing vehicle.

I just want something that can transport the jogging stroller. I bought the BOB jogging stroller in May, and it did not fit into the Passat — even folded up, with the wheels disassembled — unless I stuffed it into the passenger seat, with the axel overhanging the shifter such that I have to lift the aparatus each time I want to move into Reverse. The stroller was The Last Straw.

Mark (aka my Dear Husband) had been suggesting that I needed a bigger car. But until that moment, I was fine with the Passat. I loved the Passat. I loved the idea of driving the anti-luxury luxury German automobile — an example of a smart, efficient purchase.

The nail in the coffin was the Stop Engine Now light that went on after I dropped off Gracie at backup daycare in June — I do not tolerate a car that is not dependable (it turned out to be completely out of oil …). I’ve never seen that light before, and I did Stop Now — right on the side of 280 — and called for a tow. Thank god that Gracie was not with me, but I wasted an entire day at the car dealership and renting a replacement car. Besides the fact that it took the VW dealership a week to change the oil.

Back to the SUV. I hate the idea of driving a gigantic car, impossible to park or manuver, just to be “cool.” But, I did not buy the SUV just because I was “supposed to” as a suburban mom — I really do need it to transport the jogging stroller, much less pack the stuff for camping trips (we are going in late September … but that is an issue for another blog).

Perhaps those other SUV driving moms really need their SUVs too.

A lesson in being less judgmental — don’t judge Those People harshly, because you may find that you are one of Them.