Living as a Single Mom …

… Mark is "in trial" right now. For those of you non-lawyers (non-paralegals, non-legal assistants, and not married/partnered with anyone in the legal field), that means he pretty much does not exist from my perspective. He’s living in a hotel about 2 miles from our house - but it might as well be at the end of the world for as much as we are going to see him for the next week or two, at least. I’m lucky to get a 2-minute phone call or email each day, confirming he’s alive. So right now I am a single mom. Doing everything myself, including Mark’s "jobs" (taking out the trash, doing the dishes), and with no one else here to help entertain a 2 year old. The funny thing is that after the first day, I adjusted pretty well. Since no one else was going to do it (dishes, tidying, trash, packing Gracie’s lunch) I went ahead and did it, instead of procrastinating. I’ve developed routines for the end and beginning of the day, so I’m more efficient to get it done and get us out the door. And, since I don’t spend time taking care of my husband or talking to my husband, I have time to get the other stuff done. Gracie was REALLY upset the first day or so. When daddy left, she cried. I told her the truth (that daddy is going to work for a week, a long while, and then he’s going to come back). The next day at school she cried all day and the first thing she said to me when I picked her up was "where’s daddy?" But the next day she was fine. And today she did ask me twice "daddy okay?" I said yes, daddy’s okay, and he’s at work. She said "hi, daddy!" I asked her if daddy could hear her and she said "yes". And perhaps he can.

Isolation: The Curse of Parenting in 2007

We have a zillion advantages as parents in 2007 … running water, modern medicine, washing machines, the internet, women’s lib, inexpensive & high-quality food, no child labor, etc. But we have one distinct disadvantage. For the most part, we are physically isolated. In decades and century’s past, a women would not be a stay at home mom who took care of her kids 100% of the time. We lived across the way from our parents, next door to our sisters, down the lane from our grandparents. We shared in the care of each other’s children. Our kids grew up with older cousins and aunts and grandma’s taking care of them, as much if not more than their own parents. And, these were all people who LOVED our kids almost as much as we do. How were these other caregivers compensated? By us helping them with their needs, or watching their kids when they needed to get work done. And women have ALWAYS been working moms. Working doing the family chores (which before washing machines, ovens, and iceboxes, was a 10 hour a day job), on the farm, or behind the counter at the family business. Women have been teachers, nannies, business co-owners, cleaning women, and world leaders for centuries. But now we live miles (if not thousands of miles) away from our extended families. We don’t know our neighbors. We move so often we may not have local close friends. There’s no one who loves our kids as much as us, to take care of them. And, if we leave our kids with people we pay, like nannies or daycare, we feel guilty. As if we are wrong to delegate some of the care of our kids to someone else (especially if we PAY that person). As if we are supposed to, by ourselves, provide for 100% of the care of our kids, as well as taking care of the other needs of the family. And, since we are modern enlightened women, we are working at a job or running a business (or both), volunteering in the community, trying to be a good wife/friend/sister/aunt/daughter/neighbor, as well as take care of ourselves, working out, eating right, and reading books. No wonder we are tired. We need to give ourselves permission to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with paying for someone to help out with caring for your child, when you don’t have access to local family or friends. There is nothing wrong, or even NEW, with delegating some of that care to others so you can make money, fulfill your other responsibilities, or pursue your own interests. So ladies — ask for help! (and, stop feeling guilty … but that takes a bit more practice …)

Gracie pic

Be very excited that I was able to figure out enough html to get this pic posted.
Yes, Gracie is in my shower playing in the water with all of her clothes on. A good substitute for playing in the water, when it’s still cold outside, and she’s going through a phase where she’s afraid of the bathtub.

The secret of my success …

How am I able to do it - run a business, a family, and a household, without (completely) loosing my mind? #1 - I Get Help Difficult for many of us perfectionists to do, but necessary if you want to achieve big results in more than one area of your life. It’s very hard, if not impossible, to do everything 100%, at least not at the same time. Personal Assistant - I hired someone to run my errands, 3 hours per week. She does my grocery shopping, dry cleaning run, mail & bank run, Target shopping, office supplies, and returns to the mall. She also helps me with organizing closets and sorting through piles of stuff for charity, as well as random projects, like finding a good long term storage place. Virtual Assistant - I have a virtual assistant for my business who answers my phone, answers my email and website inquiries, transcribes audio, formats documents, does research, compiles data, does data entry, and other random stuff. She works for me 2-10 hours per week. Misc - guy who does the lawn every other week, service that cleans the house every other week. Occasional babysitters (no family in town to do that). #2: I’m always learning I’m constantly taking online classes, listening to audio self-study programs, going to seminars, watching DVD classes, and reading books (about 2-4 per week). About business strategy, writing copy, financial planning, law, personal growth, computer software, law of attraction, and … astronomy, linguistics, decorating, travel, child development, and … biographies and fiction (epic fantasy). Keeps my brain constantly growing, and gives me tons of ideas for my business & life. #3: I know myself I hate cleaning, so I hire that out. I would go nuts with Gracie here all day, so she’s in preschool some of the time. I never remember to pay the bills, so I have most of them on autopay. I forget to do our IRA contributions, so I have them on auto investing. I forget to buy fruits & veges, so I have them delivered. #4: Cut out what’s not working I stopped watching TV after Gracie was about 6 months old. I still watch some nature, history, and science shows, some movies, and educational DVDs, but I stopped watching regular TV shows. Wow, that gave me hours every day to spend on other stuff — my business, reading, playing with Gracie, or whatever. I quit volunteering with the Junior League. It’s a great organization, but I was not getting much out of it anymore, and it was a HUGE time committment, especially in the evenings (and I always had to get a babysitter). What a relief to resign - now I can spend my volunteer hours and dollars exactly how I want, targeted to my particular goals, and on my ideal time schedule. Do you have secrets to your success? Leave a comment and share your ideas …